Monday, June 29, 2009

Future SAT Question or This Week's TMZ Top Stories?

Q. Ed McMahon is to Farrah Fawcett is to Michael Jackson as
Billy Mays is to ____________? is to ____________?
A. Britney Spears and Gary Coleman
B. Lindsay Lohan and Jerry Mathers
C. Jenny McCarthy and Michael J. Fox
D. Suzanne Somers and Neil Patrick Harris

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Celebrity Death 2.0

I first thought Gallagher had passed the other day because somebody said the "King of Props" had died. I loved his watermelon bit. Then I suspected it was really Neil Armstrong because CNN scrolled about a tribute to the first moonwalker.

But all the reporting this week was crazy. TMZ beat CNN on Michael Jackson's death? Tell me who has entertainment cred now! Farrah's death was under-reported like she was the "smart angel." And poor Ed celebrity death, he wound up being the third banana. Those are the breaks. Hiiiiio!

It was like washed-up celebrity week as they all tried to score some media time. On CNN, Uri Geller said he had asked Michael if he was lonely. He's a mentalist...why the hell didn't he know? And on Larry King's show, Liza Minnelli played the Joe Jackson card, saying everything was Joe's fault. Next thing, she'll try to blame Howard Jones.

In light of the Go Green for Iran movement on Twitter, I heard about a grassroots effort to redo avatars to look more androgynous & racially ambiguous in support of Michael Jackson. I still haven't found the app to do it though.

Then today, it was reported that Billy Mays, "The King of Crap" died too. The rumor is that since Jesse Jackson's busy, Ron Popeil rushed to be with the Billy Mays family as a spokesman.

Can't wait to see who keels this week, because I fear we're running out of potential cast members for a Love Boat reunion.

Oh well, the best part of Celebrity Death 2.0 is it's great to have a snarky Twitter profile to tweet the kind of stuff you're ashamed of running under your own name! - FunnyEye =8 )>

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Rude Awakening #600 - Me and Charles Dickens

I'm writing a new Dickensonian style book about my career prospects called, "Low Expectations."

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Rude Awakening #43 - Funny Business

My job is kinda funny right now, but not in a "Ha Ha" kind of way.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Rude Awakening #173 - Mid-Year Reviews Blues

My boss put tacks on his chair during my mid-year review so when he said it was as painful for him as for me, he wouldn't be lying.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Rude Awakening #21.5 - What Did You Say?

You really DON'T realize I'm not listening to you right now.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A Vote Against the Green Movement

Funny, but green is not a color I want to think about or see when I'm using their product.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Apprehensories - What Happens When I Push the Button?

Intra-Office Communication - They told me this was part of a new intercom system when it was installed in my office, but I'm not so sure.

Monday, June 15, 2009

"Can You Get Away With Calling Her a Fembot?"

I suffered through a Friday conference presentation by Al Ries and his alleged branding expert daughter Laura, who has replaced Jack Trout, with whom the elder Ries achieved fame. You can characterize the duo as the "American Gothic" of branding.

It was clear right away the presentation was heading south. Five minutes in, the Twitter chatter in the room, some of it from yours truly, reflected how far south it had gotten. Laura's presentation style was being mocked across both the broad Twitter stream and in tweeters' private messages. Many of the tweets were hilarious, especially in direct messages with my tweeting partner.

After being called out onsite for not sharing our DM tweets more broadly, I promised to publish the DM stream here tonight. Having thought about it over the weekend though, it's not running. The reason? You had to be there. While some of it might be funny if you hadn't seen the presentation, most of it would require way too much explanation.

Then I found this video, which will at least give you a sense of it: a grating voice, too much skin, and a talk-down to the audience tone.

Go ahead and take a look. And then make up your own jokes. But here are two to start:
  • Price Is Right Model + Killer Calves + Mktg 101 Class + Stories from 1980s + Patronizing Demeanor + Nepotism = Today's Speaker
  • The two of them remind me of the Fondas in "On Golden Pond" - Jane looked like she'd been sanded down to a smooth finish & Henry was about to collapse.
I guess I couldn't resist...sorry! =8 )> The Funny Eye

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Rude Awakening #172 - Twitter and Alcohol Don't Mix

Sign you have more than a Twitter problem: More than 25% of tweets involve alcohol preferences. I just ran my numbers . . .

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

A New Albert Einstein Quote Discovered

"Boy, a guy makes one bad grade in school and they re-name a meeting room at a cheap hotel so they can keep rubbing my nose in it." - Attributed to Albert Einstein

Monday, June 8, 2009

Apprehensories - The Core Will Save Us . . . Or Melt Us Alive.

Core Competencies - What bubbles to the surface when consultant-designed new business initiatives fail.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Apprehensories - Getting Traction

Getting Traction - Now that we're getting it, we're just not sure what's going to come of it.