Christmas Quotes That Don't Need Repeating

A New Albert Einstein Quote Discovered

"Boy, a guy makes one bad grade in school and they re-name a meeting room at a cheap hotel so they can keep rubbing my nose in it." - Attributed to Albert Einstein

Business Quotes from the Unknown

• "Don't underestimate your abilities. That's is your boss' job."
  
• "I think, therefore I am overqualified."
  
• "If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges."
  
• "Sarcasm is just one more service we offer."
  
• "Why am I not working at the industry leader anymore? Frankly, I wasn't good enough for them, but I'm way beyond anybody you have on staff."

White Board Wisdom - Do You Actually Read?

It's St. Patrick's Day, So He's Just Askin'

“Do Murphy’s Law and the Luck of the Irish cancel each other out?” - Craig Ferguson

Heard on a Voice Mail Greeting

"Your call is important . . . since I’m an important person and you’re calling me.”

A Visit To Ingredient Restaurant

My friend went to a new restaurant called "Ingredient"
that doesn't allow tipping the wait staff:

It's a unique policy that definitely attracts a certain type of employee!

White Board Wisdom - Viva Viagra

White Board Stupidity

3 Points of Clarification:

1. No, I don't work in the porno industry.
2. The two "size" related comments were made by a woman.
3. Not one person snickered.

It's Not a Jim Collins Quote, But It's a Lot Funnier

Thanks for submitting this classic Chris.
So glad you were at work today! Really I mean it!!!

No Really, I Didn't Mean Anything By That!

Thanks to BM, the walking double entrendre machine, for most of these contributions!

Paper or Plastic?

For beauty I am not a star,

There are others more handsome by far.

My face I don’t mind it,

I am behind it.

It’s the others in front that I jar.

Top Ten Things You Don’t Want to Hear on a Date*

* Surprisingly, all these things were said completely innocuously in small talk at a business conference. Don’t let anybody tell you context isn’t important!

And as an added bonus, check this out from the blog that brought you "Grapefruit" - Mistranslations.

USPS Gotta Get Paid

Headline: Postage for a First Class Letter Increases to 42 Cents

Related Quote: "Few more increases, looks like I got me a spokesperson deal." - 50 Cent

Proximity

Everybody's Looking for a Better Job Title

Can't Argue with That

Executives Say the Darndest Things

The following statement was acutally made at a real business meeting deciding the fate of an in-progress project:

"We're 4 months into an 8 month pregnancy. The question is, 'Do you want to cook the baby longer?'"

No, unfortunately, this isn't an April Fool's joke.