Funny Eye

Assessing Where You're At in Your Career

2011-06-29T23:19:00.000-05:00

Decision Making - You SHOULD Know What to Do

2011-06-23T21:19:00.000-05:00

Rude Awakening #555 - Steve Jobs Has Nothing on Me

2010-09-16T23:58:00.003-05:00

I'm all over hot new technology. Just today, somebody called me an "iDiot."
Check out all the Rude Awakenings of the Funny Eye.

Rude Awakening #707 - You're Crazy Boss!

2010-09-15T18:15:00.002-05:00

Rude Awakening #707 - My favorite new hobby is diagnosing all the sociopaths working around me.

Check out all the Rude Awakenings of Funny Eye.

Fousquare - It's Not New to My Pooch

2010-09-14T20:00:00.001-05:00

What I'm Saying on Twitter

2010-06-19T21:10:00.001-05:00

Rude Awakenings #501 - And In the End

2010-06-15T06:00:00.016-05:00

Maybe it's all been a dream. Or purgatory. Or a soap opera.

Not sure which, but at 501 posts, Funny Eye for the Corporate Guy is finished as a daily blog for right now.

No cliff hanger.

Simply nothing that's all that funny right now to keep it going.

I'd suggest signing up for the email or RSS feed, because it will be back as something in the future...when things are funnier again.

The Best TV Finale Ever...

2010-06-14T06:00:00.008-05:00

I finally watched this the other night.

Sure I may be the last person in the world to watch it,

but it's got me thinking. . .

Rude Awakenings #127,000 - Who Will Run Out of Gas First?

2010-06-10T06:00:00.001-05:00

Just occurred to me that my car and I both have about 127,000 miles on us.

Who Knew There Are Cinammon Vitamins?

2010-06-09T06:00:00.002-05:00

My doctor suggested these because I'm not getting the daily recommended dose of sticky buns in my diet.

Honest Texting Acronyms - BFO

2010-06-08T06:00:00.001-05:00

Interesting Story - Social Media Strategy Assessment

2010-06-07T06:00:00.002-05:00

Rude Awakening #111 - There's More to Dark Clouds than Darkness

2010-06-03T06:00:00.006-05:00

Every dark cloud has a sliver lining.

Honest Texting Acronyms: LAYAH

2010-06-02T06:00:00.006-05:00

New honest texting abbreviations: LAYAH - Laughing At You Asshole

FE4HOG - Drop-In Interruptions and Scratchy Tongues Go Together

2010-06-01T06:00:00.003-05:00

One difference about working at home? Very few interruptions in a corporate setting involve a cat cleaning itself in front of the monitor.

Rude Awakening #7734 - There's Some Rolaids at that Oasis

2010-05-27T06:00:00.004-05:00

My digestive system is growling on key with an Oasis concert on TV. Not sure who should be more concerned about it!

Honest Texting Acronyms: BFWINSFY

2010-05-26T06:00:00.000-05:00

New Honest Texting Acronyms: BFWINSFY - Best Friends Whenever I Need Something From You

Being a Foursquare Mayor Does Come with Responsibilities

2010-05-25T06:00:00.012-05:00

Don't you think a mayor on Foursquare should have to attend city council meetings?

Apprehensories - Erin Moran, Where Are You?

2010-05-24T06:00:00.003-05:00

Tchotchkes - Joanie is obviously not the only one who loves them.

Rude Awakening #100 - It's Final Exam Time

2010-05-20T06:00:00.001-05:00

I'll have to study since this may be on the final test.

Have You Planted Your Tomatoes Yet?

2010-05-19T06:00:00.001-05:00

My wife pointed out it's the start of planting season. I told her that's great, I'm planting myself on the couch to watch TV.

Funny H&R Block, I Wasn't Even Thinking of Messing With Your Sanitary Waste

2010-05-18T06:00:00.004-05:00

H&R Block Visitors Welcome - If it's okay with you, I'll just park, get out of the car, and not touch anything. Ok?

Work Talk - Funny, No One Said It Was a Waiting Game

2010-05-17T06:00:00.001-05:00

It's not that I'm hitting my goals all of a sudden. I just think time has caught up to my impatience.

Rude Awakening #32: What Doesn't Kill Me. Really, WHAT DOESN'T Kill Me?

2010-05-13T06:00:00.004-05:00

What doesn’t kill me makes me pissed off daily.

One Person's Insomnia Is Another Person's, Well You Know....

2010-05-12T06:00:00.001-05:00

My wife said she couldn’t sleep last night because a big storm was rolling through the north part of town. I told her I couldn’t sleep because she was talking to me in an outdoor voice at 3:30 in the morning.

No, You're Not My Stupid Co-Worker

2010-05-11T06:00:00.001-05:00

Watching TV, you'd think everyone working in an office is stupid. From my real-world experience though, it's only maybe 90%.

Do You Think I Look Like Chris Brogan? Maybe a Young One?

2010-05-10T06:00:00.008-05:00

Social Media Expert - A geek with a Twitter following...or not.

Rude Awakening #737 - Plane As Your Last Day

2010-05-06T06:00:00.000-05:00

Don't you hate when you give up your seat on a full plane for a ticket on a later flight, and then that plane crashes? Yea, me too.

Why FunnyEye Was on a Funny Furlough Last Week

2010-05-05T06:00:00.001-05:00

Funny Physics Lessons

2010-05-04T06:00:00.001-05:00

Oprah Advocating for NoPhoneZones? I Have the Solution!

2010-05-03T06:00:00.011-05:00

Oprah is fighting against driving and using phones? Maybe she'll buy each of us a chauffeur? How about it Oprah?

Important Notice from Funny Eye - We're Shutting Down Production This Week

2010-04-26T06:00:00.002-05:00

Rude Awakening #48.5 - Nothing Funny About My Mood

2010-04-22T06:00:00.001-05:00

I live in a cesspool of negativity.

Rude Awakening #47.5 - Keep Walking Toward the Light of Middle Age

2010-04-21T06:00:00.002-05:00

Somewhere along the line, I became an old fart.

Unlimited Foursquare and Breadsticks - Not Cool!

2010-04-20T06:00:00.008-05:00

FourSquare users, here’s some advice: Stop checking in from Olive Garden. It's just embarrassing for you. #JustSayin #Really #DespiteTheBreadsticks

Funny, But I Thought I Recognized Somebody in the Background

2010-04-19T06:00:00.007-05:00

Just wondering, have you seen this new Dan Hesse Sprint commercial from the Nelson Atkins Museum in Kansas City? I figure all those people behind him are former Sprint employees there for a job fair.

Rude Awakening #32 - Death By Repetition Isn't Funny

2010-04-15T06:00:00.012-05:00

I keep listening to Bruce Springsteen's "Murder Incorporated" over and over. Probably not a good sign.

Funny, But This Bar Advertises Younger Guy Nights

2010-04-14T06:00:00.000-05:00

There's a new bar in town called "Lincoln Mercury" because their target market is all cougars.

What Do You Think White Trash Means?

2010-04-13T06:00:00.000-05:00

My mother-in-law's niece asked what "white trash" meant. My mother-in-law held up a mirror and told her to take a long look.

Interesting Story - When It's the Kansas City Royals, Not Every Story Is Interesting

2010-04-12T06:00:00.000-05:00

The Kansas City Royals + Start of the Baseball Season = Uninteresting Story

Rude Awakening #2c - When Hairy Met Snotty

2010-04-08T06:00:00.007-05:00

I have nose hair that have taken on their own personalities.

Let's Document My Lack of Career Success

2010-04-07T06:00:00.005-05:00

I started writing my personal constitution. Someone suggested the opening line should be "Four scores in seven years...."

It's Twitter Time...Or Why Chris Brogan Is an Outlier

2010-04-06T06:00:00.006-05:00

There's a negative correlation betweent time spent on Twitter and the steadiness of someone's paycheck. Except for Chris Brogan.

Get Me Some iPad Viagra - Stat!

2010-04-05T06:00:00.006-05:00

I must need iPad Viagra since I couldn’t sustain 4 hours of excitement to stand up in line to buy one.

Rude Awakening #4.01 - This Is No April Fool's Day Rude Awakening

2010-04-01T06:00:00.001-05:00

Step 1 - Get Big Kid, Step 2 - Get Them Into the NBA

2010-03-31T06:00:00.002-05:00

I picked up a 7 footer, 50% off!

Macy's, You Want to Do What to My What? Funny, That's What I Thought You Said

2010-03-29T06:00:00.009-05:00

"EXTRA 25% OFF, MEN'S PRIVATE SALE" - Somebody must have put Lorena Bobbitt in charge of sales at Macy's. I'll be keeping my privates away. . .who can afford 25% off of them?

Rude Awakening #262213 - I Thought the Funny Guy Was in Charge?

2010-03-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

Rude Awakening - Nobody is running this show.

Social Media Terms Defined: What's Your Manifesto About?

2010-03-24T06:00:00.002-05:00

Social Media Terms Defined - "Manifesto" = Overly Self-Important Point of View + Unwillingness to Edit Your Writing to a Reasonable Length

Funny Your Tweeting About Your Tool

2010-03-23T06:00:00.002-05:00

An IBM'er just said to "get on Twitter and find someone who sees value in your tool." Sounds like a Britney spam tactic doesn't it?

Skype Sucks, But That's Just My Opinion. I Could Be Totally Wrong.

2010-03-22T06:00:00.001-05:00

A Poem About Skype - I tried Skype, But it must by hype, Because the quality's better, Shouting through a pipe.

Rude Awakening #75 - Funny, You Don't Hear that Sound?

2010-03-18T06:00:00.003-05:00

I think I’m the only one hearing that ticking sound.

St. Patrick's Day Weather Forecast Is for Drinking & Funny Little Men

2010-03-17T06:00:00.001-05:00

When the local weather guy gets the temperature forecast exactly right, he plays "Blinded Me with Science." Other nights, he should have to play "Fool for the City."

Funny Eye for the Home Office Guy - Just Decide....Please!

2010-03-16T06:00:00.001-05:00

I have so many project proposals on hold, a quick rejection would actually feel like success.

Social Media Terms Defined: What's It Take to Be a Social Media Expert?

2010-03-15T06:00:00.001-05:00

From YouTube - The Worst Office Freak Out Ever - 1 Year Later

2010-03-11T20:00:00.000-06:00

Supposedly this guy's boss created a continuum with "creative" on one side and "practical" on the other. Not sure, it's just what I hear.

Funny, I Thought You Were a Twitter Power User

2010-03-10T04:50:00.005-06:00

Bad computer batteries are a blessing when they force annoying people to get off Twitter!

Work from Home Talk - Funny, I Thought Water Was the New Oil

2010-03-09T04:50:00.001-06:00

When it comes to creating intense skirmishes, our only home desktop computer has become the new oil.

Apprehensories - Visiting the Home Office Gives Me a Funny Feeling

2010-03-08T06:00:00.003-06:00

Home Office - Sometimes the home office is a palace. In other cases, it comes from Sam's Club.

Rude Awakening #526 - Not Even Bob and Jillian Can Help My Humor

2010-03-04T06:00:00.004-06:00

Discovered my life story on TV. It's called "The Biggest Loser."

The Last Deluxe Check Ever Written

2010-03-03T06:00:00.001-06:00

My uncle said an article predicted checks will be gone within 10 years. I predict the last one will be written by someone in front of me in line at the grocery store.

Funny, I've Never Seen Those Sold on Craigslist

2010-03-02T06:00:00.001-06:00

"I'm putting my unrealized hopes and dreams on Craigslist."

Apprehensories - Funny You Should Ask Carrie Underwood

2010-03-01T06:00:00.005-06:00

"Brevity" - Four Word Article: "Any Way You Want."

Rude Awakening #50Plus - I Ain't the Kid Anymore

2010-02-25T06:00:00.002-06:00

The only place I'm likely to hear, "He's younger than I thought," is at an AARP meeting.

White Board Wisdom - Today's Best Freudian Slip

2010-02-24T06:00:00.003-06:00

Best Freudian Slip from Today's Meeting: "You're a bitter man than me."

What Did You Say? No, Really. What Did You Say?

2010-02-23T06:00:00.001-06:00

My family just realized I'm ignoring them. I told them it's better for them if I do.

The Cool Kids on Twitter - And You Aren't One!

2010-02-22T06:00:00.002-06:00

If you banned tweets saying, in effect, "I'm doing something really cool, bet you aren't," what would be left of Twitter?

Follow me on Twitter....if you dare.

Rude Awakenings #299 - Excuse My Lack of Excuses

2010-02-18T06:00:00.001-06:00

http://www.twitter.com/funnyeye

It's not my fault I've run out of excuses.

White Board Wisdom - Funny, I've Heard All Kinds of Stupid Questions

2010-02-17T06:00:00.001-06:00

There are no stupid questions. Just stupid people with questions...Just sayin.

Interesting Story - Bad Twitter Formula

2010-02-16T06:00:00.000-06:00

Immaturity + Your Twitter Network = Interesting Story

Valentine's Day Hanky Panky

2010-02-15T06:00:00.002-06:00

On Valentine's Day, the
wife called downstairs to ask me to "Put lotion on her back." That's her little code for putting lotion on her back.

http://www.twitter.com/funnyeye

My People of FunnyEye Message . . .

2010-02-10T20:00:00.000-06:00

I spent a lot of time on the Super Bowl recap.
Nobody has said anything about not posting anything else this week.
See you next week.

Super Bowl Commercials from a FunnyEye Perspective

2010-02-08T20:00:00.005-06:00

Super Bowl Pre-Game Stuff We Wanted to See But Didn't

A GoDaddy girl bust in on the Katie Couric - Barack Obama interview and ask the president where he registers his URLs?
Tiger's wife endorsing the new Callaway 9 iron for its money-making accuracy.
A song other than one by the Alan Parsons Project played during player introductions (and no, "Won't Get Fooled Again" didn't really count).
Pre-game festivities that take less than the actual event. (Realizing guys feel that way about another big event as well.)

Our Super Bowl XLIV Version of the "Hi Bob" Game

Here's a new group drinking activity we did at our place. Any time any of these happened, everybody drank a Bud Light:

Some guy who has never exercised wears no pants (i.e., is in his underwear) in a Super Bowl ad

Somebody was knocked over by a surprise tackle (in commercials, not SuperBowl XLIV). Here's Snickers with Betty White and Abe Vigoda. You can go Google the Tim Tebow ad yourself.

Some guy didn't have a spine

A GoDaddy girl took her shirt off
A Super Bowl commercial was a complete waste of money. Use Google to find others in this category.

Let's just say we went through a lot of Bud Light....by half-time.

The What?

So Who didn't know The Who would suck as the half time act?

Maybe if Keith Moon rose from the dead or Fergie showed up to perform with The Who and had a wardrobe malfunction. Maaaaaaaaybe then it would have been a passable half time show.
But no, neither of those happened.

Think about it. When 50% of your members are dead, and you've made the musical request to die before you get old, somebody needs to step in and do something about it. Instead, we suffered through 12 minutes of the half-group's wheezing, 1970s musical onslaught, including their CSI:Geriatric hits:

"XBox Wizard"
"TV Wasteland"
"Who Still Has Hearing?"
"See Me, Heal Me"
"Won't Get Drooled On Again"

Did anyone else notice they couldn't even get FAKE excited people to stand around the stage for The Whoot's performance? Wow.

Here's where the Census Bureau missed the boat. Instead of blowing our money on a stupid spot trying to convince us to use 10 minutes of our precious time to complete the census, they'd have been better off just getting us the form early since it would have been a PLEASURE to fill out instead of watching The Who!

The Second Half of My FunnyEye Super Bowl Ad Review

There was a Super Bowl ad I liked right before the Google ad. Then the Google ad ran, and I couldn't remember what the first ad was. So it must have really sucked.

I liked that E*Trade came up with a new word: Milkaholic. Not bad, but it's no Shankapotamus.

The funniest ad was David Letterman, Oprah Winfrey, and Jay Leno. Still makes me laugh today!

From the You've Got to Be Kidding Me Department

Here's the Monster.com ad called "Fiddling Beaver." Interestingly, that's a pretty good way to get fired from a job. And that's all I have to say about that!

Rude Awakening #16,700 - It's a Beautiful Day

2010-02-04T06:00:00.000-06:00

Today is the worst day of the rest of my life.

Sure Norman Vincent Peale Could Do Positive Thinking. He Didn't Have to Live through Layoffs

2010-02-03T06:00:00.002-06:00

Positive thought for the day: "I don't live here, I just work here."

It's Groundhog Day! It's Groundhog Day! (7 More Times)

2010-02-02T06:00:00.001-06:00

My wife is very religious-minded. She's wrapping up her 9-day "Groundhog" move novena.

Interesting Story - "And I Know You From . . . ?"

2010-02-01T04:50:00.002-06:00

You call someone to ask a question + By the time they answer the phone, you can't remember who you called or why = Interesting Story

Rude Awakening #8g - An Apple a Day

2010-01-28T06:00:00.000-06:00

There should be an iPhone app for Rude Awakenings.

Funny Eye Exclusive! Image of New Apple Tablet Packaging

2010-01-27T11:00:00.002-06:00

FunnyEye was able to obtain this exclusive pre-release image of the packaging for the new Apple iTablet that Steve Jobs is introducing today!

A Bad Hair Lifetime

2010-01-27T06:00:00.001-06:00

I can't get my hair to do what I need it to do . . . like not falling out!

Waaaaaaake Up! It's Waffle Time!

2010-01-26T06:00:00.000-06:00

"Your spouse says, 'How about I make you breakfast?'" + "The alarm clock says 3:00 a.m." = Interesting Story

Funny Eye for the Home Office Guy - Pass the WiFi, the Scone, and the "Resumes for Dummies"

2010-01-25T06:00:00.001-06:00

You know the odor that lingers on your clothes after leaving Panera?
I think it's the smell of desperation.

Rude Awakening #999 99 9999

2010-01-21T06:00:00.000-06:00

Rude Awakening: "My identity is so bad, no one wants to steal it."

Ms. Diagnosis

2010-01-20T06:00:00.001-06:00

"I've just been diagnosed as Manic Aggressive!"

Interesting Story - Just Another Way of Saying "Go Home"

2010-01-19T06:00:00.001-06:00

You make it to the final presentation on a consulting proposal + The decision maker you've never met says they don't work with "outside consultants" = Interesting Story

Apprehensories - Getting the Better of Them!

2010-01-18T06:00:00.001-06:00

Apprehensories Poster: Competitive Advantage - To blare is human, to outshine is divine.

Rude Awakening #62 - Change Management This!

2010-01-14T06:00:00.001-06:00

The more things change, the more you have to dig your heels in.

The Furpgy Awards - You're a Little, Little Man

2010-01-13T06:00:00.002-06:00

Work from Home Talk - Hey There's Room Under the Desk

2010-01-12T06:00:00.000-06:00

Unfortunately, working from home, there aren't any conference rooms to hide in.

Arctic Cold Grips the Nation!

2010-01-11T06:00:00.001-06:00

Quite frankly, we've run out of polite ways to say it's colder than a BLEEP BLEEP! Back to you at the news desk, Larry.

Rude Awakening #2x4: The Key to a Tolerable Marriage

2010-01-07T06:00:00.001-06:00

Rude Awakening 2x4: "Good walls make good marriages."

White Board Wisdom - That Didn't Work

2010-01-06T06:00:00.000-06:00

Business Development Lesson: Don’t come right out and say your client would be a LOT better off without the employee hiring you for the project. Oops.

I Really "Can't" Hear You. Or So I'd Like You to Believe!

2010-01-05T06:00:00.000-06:00

"It's not that I don't listen to my boss. It's just that his voice is in a decibel range I don't process!"

Interesting Story - Anybody for a Little Ray Charles?

2010-01-04T06:00:00.001-06:00

"Well Enough" + "Messing Around" = Interesting Story

Rude Awakening #1965 - We Have Charles Schulz to Blame for This

2009-12-24T06:00:00.000-06:00

Commando Christmas - NOT!

2009-12-23T06:00:00.000-06:00

Christmas Music for Economists - Jingle Bells

2009-12-22T06:00:00.000-06:00

What's the Weather Going to be on Christmas?

2009-12-21T06:00:00.001-06:00

The forecast for clouds on Christmas sounds like my hair forecast: "Thinning with lots of gray."

Rude Awakening #12-25-2009 - All I Want for Christmas Is You (and Some Completely Dark Thoughts)

2009-12-17T06:00:00.002-06:00

All I need for Christmas are enough Rude Awakenings to get me through 2010.

Christmas Quotes That Don't Need Repeating

2009-12-16T06:00:00.000-06:00